Coca-Cola Blak Is The New Crack
When I was at Safeway picking up some broccoli and bananas earlier this week, I came across a new drink and thought to myself, “that could be just disgusting enough to work.”
That drink? It’s called Coca-Cola Blak.
Even though they went for the edgy (mis)spelling (what, dudes, no exes or zees?), it bills itself as a “carbonated fusion beverage,” which sounds about as sexy as “processed cheese product.”
The fusion part of that billing refers to Coke Blak’s unholy marriage of coke and coffee, though you won’t find that mentioned anywhere on the packaging other than the ingredients list, which names “coffee extract” fifth down, after “high fructose corn syrup,” but before “caffeine.”
Coke chose to use their iconic glass bottles to package Blak, which is cool, but they inexplicably chose to top it with a plastic cap, which is kind of like buying a BMW, then slapping a sparkly “100% Bitch” sticker on the bumper. Also, the bottle comes tightly wrapped in a plastic sleeve, which makes it nearly impossible to see what’s inside without pouring it into a glass. If you’re going to name your product after a color, you might want to let us see exactly how Blak this crap is. The truth is, it’s not very Blak. It’s more Drk Brwn.
Even with all those negatives, I still bought some. I was curious and excited to try it, but completely prepared to be repulsed.
I have the same reaction every time R. Kelly drops a new album, by the way.
Anyway, with my expectations low and the Blak cold, I cracked open a bottle and gave it a go.
Blak is surprisingly fragrant, giving off a toffee scent on open. I expected the drink to be bitter. Honestly, I expected it to have the taste and texture of Guiness, only, you know, without all the wonderful drunkifying properties. In reality, it tastes like a combination of caramel and toasted almonds.
Because Coca-Cola Blak is cut with artificial sweetners, it doesn’t have the sticky, gritty mouthfeel of Coke Classic and it’s only about a quarter as caloric. Both of these things are awesome.
Now, this might have something to do with the fact that I cut myself off from caffeine last week, but drinking this first gave me a detatched, lightheaded feeling, which eventually gave way to a mild case of The Bonkers. Your mileage may vary if your brush with Blak isn’t your first taste of caffeine in several days.
Though Coke could certainly market and package Blak more effectively, they’ve built a unique and surprisingly tasty drink.
Verdict: Delicious!
5 Comments »
Yeah, I kinda wondered the same thing myself. I mean, if they’re going to build movies around premises involving him in blue-collar jobs, why not start with the job that’s in his stage name?
Comment by Al
April 7, 2006 @ 6:40 am
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Blak has intrigued me, following an ad I saw in the Safeway mailer. Now that I know it’s coffee, I may be forced to get one.
Comment by Tom
April 7, 2006 @ 2:07 pm
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Post. More.
Comment by Jeremy Abramson
April 8, 2006 @ 3:32 pm
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My teeth ache and my stomach initializes a ghost ulcer in anticipation!!
Comment by Kevin Liu
April 19, 2006 @ 11:44 am
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I read about this when it initially launched in Europe (I think in France?) and was immediately interested because it sounded so foul. After looking around for it for a month or so I finally found some in a liquor store on Haight and purchased it along with a 32 of Tiger Beer. Independantly, each is quite delicious. Together they are a massive failure. EXCITEBIKE!
Comment by Jackson Pritt
May 25, 2006 @ 9:36 am
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